Jesus’s Empty Tomb Found Filled with Stuff


So your faithful reporter predicted that, given the time of year, it was only a matter of time before the miserable rotten filthy communist atheist mass-media manipulators of the stupid and unsuspecting would promote their semi-annual “Christianity Unmasked” article. (Thanks to Gene Veith for the mention, by the way.) And the New York Times, the paper of record in a paperless world, didn’t let me down.

From Saturday’s online edition of the Times, which was scheduled for print publication on Easter Sunday:

Hailed by some as the most significant of all Christian relics but dismissed by skeptics amid accusations of forgery, misinterpretation and reckless speculation, two ancient artifacts found here have set off a fierce archaeological and theological debate in recent decades.

At the heart of the quarrel is an assortment of inscriptions that led some to suggest Jesus of Nazareth was married and fathered a child, and that the Resurrection could never have happened.

Now, the earth may have yielded new secrets about these disputed antiquities. A Jerusalem-based geologist believes he has established a common bond between them that strengthens the case for their authenticity and importance.

Look, Christianity makes very specific historical claims for its core beliefs, namely the events surrounding the ministry of Jesus of Nazareth. So I don’t begrudge non-Christians or anti-Christians or just plain muckrakers for picking around the dust for detritus that would disprove those claims. Any such find would definitely ensure their place in the history books.

What I find unintentionally funny is how the deaf, dumb, and blind MSM leap at any bones thrown its way.

The second artifact is a tomb unearthed at a building site in the East Talpiot neighborhood of East Jerusalem in 1980 and thrust into the limelight by a 2007 documentary movie, “The Lost Tomb of Jesus.” The film was produced by James Cameron (“Titanic”) and written by Simcha Jacobovici, an Israeli-born filmmaker based in Toronto. It was first broadcast on the Discovery Channel in 2007.

The burial chamber, which subsequently became known as the Talpiot Tomb, contained 10 ossuaries, some with inscriptions that have been interpreted as “Jesus son of Joseph,” “Mary” and other names associated with New Testament figures. The group of names led Mr. Jacobovici and his supporters to argue that this was probably the tomb of the family of Jesus of Nazareth, a sensational claim rejected by most archaeologists and experts, who said that such names were very common at that time.

Critics like Amos Kloner, the Jerusalem district archaeologist at the time, essentially accused Mr. Jacobovici of jumping to conclusions to promote his movie.

Mr. Jacobovici and his supporters say that if it could be proved that the so-called James ossuary, whose provenance is unclear, originated in the Talpiot Tomb, the names on it, added to the cluster of names found in the tomb, would bolster the chances that the tomb belonged to the family of Jesus of Nazareth.

Enter the geologist, Aryeh Shimron. He is convinced he has made that connection by identifying a well-defined geochemical match between specific elements found in samples collected from the interiors of the Talpiot Tomb ossuaries and of the James ossuary. …

“I think I’ve got really powerful, virtually unequivocal evidence that the James ossuary spent most of its lifetime, or death time, in the Talpiot Tomb,” Dr. Shimron said in an interview in the lobby of the King David Hotel here as he presented his as-yet unpublished findings to a reporter for the first time.

Call me when you’ve put all the orthodox Christian churches out of business (I daresay most mainline denominations stopped making belief in a literal Resurrection a nonnegotiable minimum for membership a long time ago). I’m not holding my breath.

But I am holding my sides.

Dr. Shimron, meanwhile, said he was bracing for an inevitable storm of criticism, including from people who find it anathema that a scientist, as he put it, should be “playing around with Jesus and Mary’s bones.”

I believe that’s called begging the question. But then again, I’m not a scientist.


The Lots of Mary Gospel


Or, the Gospel of the Lots of Mary. Has been found. But it’s not what you think, or what you think the ignoramuses in the mainstream media think it is.

It’s a primitive Christainy horoscope, written in Coptic, going back about 1,500 years. Or Joel Osteen’s ministry prefigured by someone with a wry sense of humor.

Here’s the scoop from the New Historian:

In the ancient world, a ‘lot book’ was used to try to predict a person’s future or offer advice. Someone seeking an answer to a specific question could have sought a solution in a lot book. Alternatively, the book could have been opened at random to get advice or predictions.

Sortilege, the practice of using lots to obtain an answer, was common in antiquity. It was applied in decision-making at all levels of society.

Luijendijk says that the ‘Gospel of the Lots of Mary’ is the only lot book which calls itself a ‘gospel’ – literally ‘good news’.

“The fact that this book is called [a gospel] is very significant,” Luijendijk said in an interview with Live Science. “To me, it also really indicated that it had something to do [with] how people would consult it and also about being [seen] as good news. Nobody who wants to know the future wants to hear bad news in a sense.”

In a traditional sense, the text is not a gospel as it does not predominantly teach about Christ. The use of the word “gospel” in the Gospel of the Lots of Mary could show that people had a different perspective on what the word meant.

“The fact that this is not a gospel in the traditional sense gives ample reason to inquire about the reception and use of the term ‘gospel’ in Late Antiquity,” Luijendijk wrote.

Possibly, the book was used at the Shrine of Saint Colluthus in Egypt, a major site of Christian pilgrimage. At the shrine, archaeologists have previously found texts with written questions, implying the site was used for divination. “Among the services offered to visitors of the shrine were both book and ticket divination,” Luijendijk wrote.

And Live Science has this:

The 37 oracles are all written vaguely; for instance, oracle seven says, “You know, o human, that you did your utmost again. You did not gain anything but loss, dispute, and war. But if you are patient a little, the matter will prosper through the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.”

Another example is oracle 34, which reads, “Go forward immediately. This is a thing from God. You know that, behold, for many days you are suffering greatly. But it is of no concern to you, because you have come to the haven of victory.”

Throughout the book “the text refers to hardships, suffering and violence, and occasionally one finds a threat. On the whole, however, a positive outlet prevails,” Luijendijk wrote in her book.

Another interesting example, that illustrates the ancient book’s positive outlook, is oracle 24, which reads, “Stop being of two minds, o human, whether this thing will happen or not. Yes, it will happen! Be brave and do not be of two minds. Because it will remain with you a long time and you will receive joy and happiness.”

Didn’t these people know they lived in the sixth century, when everything sucked all the time, and would continue to suck until roughly 1978 and the advent of laser discs.

It’s popular among some in evangelical circles to seek guidance or reassurance by randomly opening the Bible to some verse to see what the Spirit has to say. I have done this many times, which explains my failed bid to be Grand Vizier in a revived Ottoman Empire, not to mention my $130,000 in student loans for that online PhD in karaoke studies, which was supposed to “prosper me greatly.” I won’t even get into my mission work among the Florida manatees.