1. You use the word “jackanapes” in casual conversation.
2. Someone holds the door for you and you accuse him of works righteousness.
3. You fall asleep in church but insist you were only remembering your baptism.
4. You ask if there’s a Communion wine that tastes more like beer.
5. You think the pope is the antichrist but still a Christian.
6. You have a T-shirt that reads “All Cretans are liars” (see #5).
7. You’re a staunch Republican even though you think Lincoln was guilty of unionism.
8. You keep calling Philipp Jakob Spener a pietist even though no one is saying otherwise.
9. You failed your driver’s test twice because you were convinced it did not rightly divide law and gospel.
10. Your broke off your first engagement because your intended did not express sufficient ambivalence about Philipp Melanchthon.
11. You broke off your second engagement because your intended thought the “Second Martin” was Marty.
12. You wrote Everlast and asked if they would market a line of speed bags called “Zwinglis.”
13. You think the Thirty Years War had one more good year left in it.
14. Your gmail password is “GustavusAldophus1632.”
15. When your first child was born, you haunted every grocery store and pharmacy looking for a formula called “Concord.”
16. You believe 95% of life is adiaphora.
17. Your spouse caught you late one night watching YouTube videos of Davey and Goliath.
18. You think Kim and Khloé Kardashian would be more interesting if they were named Antilegomena and Homologoumena, respectively.
19. You once mailed Mother Teresa a biography of Katie Luther.
20. You’re convinced this is the Most Lutheran Man in the World.