The Lots of Mary Gospel


Or, the Gospel of the Lots of Mary. Has been found. But it’s not what you think, or what you think the ignoramuses in the mainstream media think it is.

It’s a primitive Christainy horoscope, written in Coptic, going back about 1,500 years. Or Joel Osteen’s ministry prefigured by someone with a wry sense of humor.

Here’s the scoop from the New Historian:

In the ancient world, a ‘lot book’ was used to try to predict a person’s future or offer advice. Someone seeking an answer to a specific question could have sought a solution in a lot book. Alternatively, the book could have been opened at random to get advice or predictions.

Sortilege, the practice of using lots to obtain an answer, was common in antiquity. It was applied in decision-making at all levels of society.

Luijendijk says that the ‘Gospel of the Lots of Mary’ is the only lot book which calls itself a ‘gospel’ – literally ‘good news’.

“The fact that this book is called [a gospel] is very significant,” Luijendijk said in an interview with Live Science. “To me, it also really indicated that it had something to do [with] how people would consult it and also about being [seen] as good news. Nobody who wants to know the future wants to hear bad news in a sense.”

In a traditional sense, the text is not a gospel as it does not predominantly teach about Christ. The use of the word “gospel” in the Gospel of the Lots of Mary could show that people had a different perspective on what the word meant.

“The fact that this is not a gospel in the traditional sense gives ample reason to inquire about the reception and use of the term ‘gospel’ in Late Antiquity,” Luijendijk wrote.

Possibly, the book was used at the Shrine of Saint Colluthus in Egypt, a major site of Christian pilgrimage. At the shrine, archaeologists have previously found texts with written questions, implying the site was used for divination. “Among the services offered to visitors of the shrine were both book and ticket divination,” Luijendijk wrote.

And Live Science has this:

The 37 oracles are all written vaguely; for instance, oracle seven says, “You know, o human, that you did your utmost again. You did not gain anything but loss, dispute, and war. But if you are patient a little, the matter will prosper through the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.”

Another example is oracle 34, which reads, “Go forward immediately. This is a thing from God. You know that, behold, for many days you are suffering greatly. But it is of no concern to you, because you have come to the haven of victory.”

Throughout the book “the text refers to hardships, suffering and violence, and occasionally one finds a threat. On the whole, however, a positive outlet prevails,” Luijendijk wrote in her book.

Another interesting example, that illustrates the ancient book’s positive outlook, is oracle 24, which reads, “Stop being of two minds, o human, whether this thing will happen or not. Yes, it will happen! Be brave and do not be of two minds. Because it will remain with you a long time and you will receive joy and happiness.”

Didn’t these people know they lived in the sixth century, when everything sucked all the time, and would continue to suck until roughly 1978 and the advent of laser discs.

It’s popular among some in evangelical circles to seek guidance or reassurance by randomly opening the Bible to some verse to see what the Spirit has to say. I have done this many times, which explains my failed bid to be Grand Vizier in a revived Ottoman Empire, not to mention my $130,000 in student loans for that online PhD in karaoke studies, which was supposed to “prosper me greatly.” I won’t even get into my mission work among the Florida manatees.


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