Episcopal Church Forced to Sell NYC Headquarters After Soul Pulls in $11 on eBay


TEC is going to dispose of its Second Avenue offices to save approximately $11 million over the next three years.

The Rev. Gay Jennings, the deputies’ chair of the Structure Committee, said that the issue of selling the property had been studied several times in the past, and committee members decided that now was the time to do it.

“815 Second Avenue is the relic of our delusions of being an established church from an imperial era. Constantine has left the building. Unfortunately, Constantine has left us the building,” the Rev. Frank Hubbard, deputy from New Jersey, told his colleagues, according to the news service.

There was a decent bookstore on street level that I used to visit with some frequency when I lived in Turtle Bay, around the corner from the UN. That store became a shadow of itself after it was forced to share its space with a juice and coffee bar (which I believe has also gone belly up). It’s a nice piece of real estate that I’m sure will pull in some nice geetis, which no doubt will be used to remove those unsightly divots from TEC’s Diversity Golf Course greens, adjacent to its Right Side of History Brie Cafe. (It’s Population Control Vacation Pilates School is no longer in operation owing to declining enrollment.)

Speaking of selling one’s soul on eBay:

A woman in New Mexico has offered to sell her soul in order to help make ends meet. Nothing is off limits to the winner of the auction on eBay, and the woman told NBC she would “deliver the opportunity for someone to save my soul.”

“I’m at the point now, I’m tired,” she explained. The woman, known only as Lori N. told NBC that she had been in a bad car accident in 2007 and had never fully healed. In that accident she suffered a broken hip, pelvis, leg, collarbone, sternum and ribs.

Lori currently works as a freelance writer, but times are tough and she is doing her best to make ends meet.

“I don’t feel good,” Lori said. “I’m near the end of my rope… I really am.”

It’s not known what exactly led the woman to list her soul on eBay, though some might see it as a desperate act by a desperate woman.

“What I’m gonna deliver is the opportunity for someone to save my soul. They can save it through prayer, they can save it through conversion,” she explained. “They’re also gonna get a certificate detailing the white and black marks on my soul.”

The certificate is signed by Satan and the law firm of Kirby, Fitzgerald, and Moss, and can be exchanged for a Fudgie the Whale ice cream cake at participating Carvel stores. (On a more serious note, the woman sounds pretty damn desperate, and some nice parson preacher person might want to come to her aid. Or at least put in a decent bid before — uh oh, too late.)


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