Harold Camping Raptured, Nowhere to Be Found on Rapture Day III

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“Please, everyone, calm down, just because you were left behind doesn’t mean you’re going to hell. It only means your chances have greatly increased.”

So our favorite biblical exegete, whose skills rival those of even Joachim of Fiore, Joseph Smith, Charles Taze Russell, Herbert W. Armstrong, Hal Lindsey, and this guy I saw once on the L train, has disappeared!

Oh who will guide us as we stumble in the dark corridors of eschatology? Who will grant us the keys of prophetic interpretation so that we may prepare to meet the Lord in the air? Who is left to mock mercilessly as we drip chunky monkey ice cream on our iPads?

Fear not, brothers and sisters! There are always these terrifying hucksters. (I’d buy me one of those Jerusalem crosses, but my wallet is currently suffering from an “abundance of lack.”)

Post Scriptum: Here’s a fun list of date setters, one that includes at least two popes, Christopher Columbus, Martin Luther, Charles and John Wesley, Isaac Newton, Cotton Mather, and the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn (my personal favorite).

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